Error loading page

Dream

2012-01-04T19:09:00.001-08:00

have you ever had a dream so real that you thought it was actually reality?

I did.

hugged him. he was back to us. complete. introduced my partner to him. happiness. completeness.

woke up. opened my eyes. trying to grasp reality back. not believing it was all a dream. just a dream. tried to go back to sleep to continue the dream and if possible, stay there.

it was hard. sad.

--posted using Blogger for iPhone

!!

2012-01-01T21:58:00.001-08:00

IM NOT WHAT YOU THINK I AM :'(

Not

2011-12-31T23:11:00.000-08:00

I am getting crazier by the day. All those things I read makes me crazy. Im still the same guy you loved. I know I am. Nothing changed, I am the same guy you loved. Please don't judge me for the stupid mistake I made back then. I will always be yours this life time.

I know my fault. It was a joke. A plain joke that started back then when I was still pathetically tricking myself to liking anyone for the sake of feeling something for myself. I wanted to be alive. It was a joke. It should have stopped. But it was a joke. I never had the intention of hurting her, I will never have. Im still the same guy you loved. I got destroyed and will forever be judged for something I am not. From a stupid joke to something I get tagged a lifetime. I hate being judged.

She may have all the answers to whatever I am feeling. She may tell me every angle on why I get ythought of as the same with every guy. But I know for myself that I am not. I am not. I dont know how to explain it. I just know I am not.

You may not believe me, but I am. I am different and it kills me to know that you think I'm not :'(

Best

2011-10-15T05:31:00.001-07:00

All I ever want is to be the best for her. I want to give her everything. I always hold things back. I know she does not need it or demand it from me. But she deserves more than what I can offer.

I want to be the best or even at least better.

Different

2011-10-13T20:16:00.000-07:00

I don't know how she does it, but I have met my match. All I ever want is to be with her from the moment I fell for her, right this very moment and until I am too old to blog. I love her and I am at my happiest. :')

2011-09-23T23:44:00.001-07:00

im not from sandigan... im from Fairview. im from fairview :'(

2011-09-04T08:03:00.001-07:00

im a failure ckkjdjejrifjfkrkdkdkfjkfkfkfk$@(@@:@3@3@:&:&!

a very big fuvkin failyre

idiot

2011-09-04T08:01:00.000-07:00

i never felt like shit about myself for the longest time. not because she said that im not the right person or because she'll get back to her old self but because i know she's right and i deserve it. i havent cried like hell since my dad left us and now im crying like a baby. i hate myself because she thought i was different but i disappointed her. im a failure, ill always be.

Firsts and lasts

2011-09-04T00:32:00.000-07:00

We are currently on our first fight. After more than 2 months, I can say that we are still a perfectly normal couple. We've had arguments before but was never escalated to a fight.

I failed bigtime. I disappointed and let her down. Being someone who can never say no has its evils. I know she's mad at me and I feel really really bad. I begged her to let me go with her to meet her friends. I know how special this is for her. I went to a company event, promised to be home before lunch time. Was asked by my boss to come to their place for lunch and I thought it really was just lunch and I thought I could go straight home after, rest for a while then meet her. I stayed at by boss' place for 7 hours. We ate and they drank alcohol for hours. I was practically not enjoying my stay there. All I ever said was I need to go, but was pressured to stay. Being myself, I could not say no. I disappointed her. I hate myself.

I was not on my usual self last night. After going home, I went out. Walked and walked somewhere for about an hour feeling bad for letting her down. She was calling but I left my phone. I went home, went to bed and because the tiring activities the whole day, I instantly fell asleep. She was calling and she might be worrying. I woke up with her message and her calls told her Im home and safe. I hated myself more.

Woke up this morning. Feeling better. Sent her a message. Not knowing where she already is. Been waiting for her to atleast send my a message or drop a call. Zip. Zero. Nada. Nilch. I cant blame her. I have been calling her nonstop from the moment I woke up, hoping she answers and not turn her phone because that would hurt big time and knowing I deserve it. I am hoping to God that she still feels the same way for me after this. I know my priorities more than anyone and no one can tell me that I don't. This will be last time this happens. If I cant say no, then it would be easier if I dont come at all. She says that change is overrated. It is. She's right. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with change if its in the right direction or if would make things better.

I love her so much. More than anything.

I hate myself

2011-08-28T22:19:00.001-07:00

I dont feel good about myself. I am nothing more than normal and there's absolutely nothing special about myself. I never thought of myself as someone who can be loved and I never thought that anyone could ever love me and actually stay for good. I really dont feel good about myself now because I want to be better for her. This might actually be the first time someone has ever loved me and appreciate me for who I am but I want things to be better for her. I want myself to be if not the best, at least be better. My efforts to make her feel special seems not to work at all and its really frustrating because of my personality or for whatever I am is holding things back. I have to change for good.

:'(

Random conversations

2011-08-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

Nik : e ewan ko. parang sobrang apaka expressive mo ngayon (super superlative na yan a) nakailang i love u ka ata sakin kagabi. yung blog mo. yung mga activities mo sa page ko (na di ko alam kung nangaasar ka lang o dii ka na talaga makatiis) anu bang meron?

Ish: di ko alam
oo nga
napansin ko din
masamang bagay ba un?

Nik: hmm. in love ka nga. aahahha

I guess I really am deeply in love with her :)

You Smile, I Die.

2011-08-13T20:42:00.000-07:00

Frustrations

2011-08-13T05:27:00.000-07:00

I started the day very frustrated. The hardship of not seeing and be able to hug her is very torturing for me. I was missing her badly.

I was waking her up from her long sleep. Left around 15+ missed calls and messages and as usual, she is very hard to wake up. She answered at last and I was excited hearing even just her voice.

Me: Goodmorning! ang hirap mo gisingin :)
Nix: bat ka tawag ng tawag?
Me: eh miss na kita eh..
Nix: Pagbuksan mo na ko ng gate.
Me: ha?
Nix: sabi ko pagbuksan mo na ko ng gate. :)
Me: ha? seryoso ka ba?

*voice from the background - MIIIKKKAAAAA!!!*

I died :')

She bought me lots of empanadas. How can you not fall in love with her more and more each day? I am yours Nikka. I'm yours forever. :')

She got me

2011-08-09T16:06:00.001-07:00

She had me at 'Yosi?'

:')

What if..

2011-08-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

What if.
What if..
What if...
What if....
What if.....

2011-08-04T17:06:00.001-07:00

Random thoughts for today

2011-08-03T11:23:00.000-07:00

LEAD - I'M DONE! F**K! I don't care if I pass or if I fail. I finished and I'm proud.

Achievements - I have never been an achiever. Its not that I cant, its by choice. Things changed when I met her. I want to achieve everything. Not for myself, but for her.. For US. Her presence makes everything easy.

Stupid people - How can someone let go of someone as amazing as her? Stupid bast*rds. I'm not letting go. Asa pa kayo.

Complications - It has been hard for us and its is even harder for her. It may have been complicated for us to be together but everything is gonna be alright. I promise. Time will come that we no longer have to hide during our yosi breaks and you can hold my hand whenever you want to. Everything is gonna be alright. I love you.

Wild Dreams

2011-07-31T14:04:00.000-07:00

Who would have ever thought that we would feel the same way for each other? I used to be happy just by seeing her charming eyes and her lovely lips. Who though we would be as happy as this and felt like we've been together for a very long time now?

Never in my wildest dreams that I would be able to look her in the eyes, tell and make her feel how much I love her and receive the same response.

We started out as a trainer and a trainee.. and now she is my stress-er and at the same time my destresser and I love it. :)

Beggining of a lifetime

2011-07-30T11:28:00.000-07:00

Somewhere along Espana, 062611.

I: Sagutin mo na ko.. ngaun na..

N: ha? anong sagutin? eh di ka naman nagtatanong..

I: basta sagutin mo na ko.. ngaun na..

N: ligawan mo muna ko..

I: sagutin mo na ko ngaun, liligawan kita habang buhay..

I: ano na?!

N: ok. :)

I & N: bye..*kiss*

Time

2011-07-24T15:02:00.000-07:00

I am inlove with you for 60 days, 1 month & 29 days, 8 weeks, 1440 hours, 86,400 minutes or 5,184,000 seconds already.

I'm yours forever.

ILY

2011-07-17T14:02:00.000-07:00

I love you :)

JNR

2011-07-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

I will prove you wrong. Somehow, I will. I will try to remove all your fears and replace them with security and comfort.

I will do everything in my capacity to make you feel loved every second of us together, make you the happiest and give you premature ventricular contractions all the time.

I will never lose you. Never. I will never let you go. Not in this lifetime.

I love you.

Heart stopping

2011-06-30T12:15:00.000-07:00

I cant promise you a perfect relationship.

However, I can promise you that, as long as you're trying. I'm staying

I love you.

--From her :)

Pressured

2011-06-28T10:19:00.000-07:00

I want to make you the happiest..

Kung posible nga ung expression na "ako ang pinakamasayang tao sa mundo ngaun"..

gusto ko maramdaman mo un.. gusto ko ikaw un..

Mixed

2011-06-27T12:52:00.001-07:00

Happy yet feels sad. Is that even possible? :/

No to dislike button

2010-08-19T02:05:00.000-07:00

Please be aware that fake DISLIKE buttons are going viral on Facebook. Posts such as the ones below take users to a fake Facebook application. Falling for the scam tricks users into giving the fake application permission to access the user’s profile, posting spam messages from the user’s account and asking the user to complete an online survey (making money for the scammers). The app does not actually provide a DISLIKE button but does point to a Firefox browser add-on for Facebook dislike button developed by FaceMod. (Note: Security reviewed the FaceMod add-on and has confirmed that it contains no malware and simply installs the Firefox extension.)

If you have accidentally installed the fake application, click on the "Account" button at the top right of your Facebook home screen. Navigate to the option that says “Application Settings," and disable the fake DISLIKE application. If the app has posted to your Facebook wall, go to your profile page and delete those posts to stop the scam from spreading further. We also recommend that you check your "Interests" and "Likes" settings from the "Edit my Profile" menu, to be sure that the app hasn't lodged itself there as well.

For those interested, more information can be found here:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/social.media/08/16/facebook.dislike.button.scam/index.html?npt=NP1

http://www.sophos.com/blogs/gc/g/2010/08/16/facebook-dislike-button

Superior Sex

2010-08-17T23:50:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: I am no sexist or whatsoever, just basing from my own experience and from the people around me.

They say that male species, the guys, the boys, or whatever we are called is the superior sex. Why? Maybe because were physically stronger and a whole lot of other reasons like the world being our urinal, and our brief coming in packs of 3 and we can go the toilet without any support group. I dont think anyone would protest to that.

I would like to share a scenario that happened yesterday between two of my friends whom I'd hide by the name Say. She decided not to go to work, bf does not also want to go to work. They talked over the phone, girl made tantrums like "papasok na nga lang ako, pumasok ka na din", "kainis ka naman eh" and things went her way without any problems, she did not go to work while the guy went to work. Do girls really have to use their power to make us do things by using your anger and tampo. Us guys cant resist having long talks. We want thing to be simple, if your already mad. We'll just go with how you want things to be. Whatever you say, we do. Whatever you command, we follow. They say never to underestimate a woman's ability to make you do something you don't want to do. This is completely true and is totally full of bullshit. Im not saying all the guys and relationships are like this and lucky are those who are not. All of the guys I know are are like this with their relationships. I've had 3 relationships in my life and I have proven myself that it will always be that way. Poor us :(